Greetings, my readers!! It has been a chunk of time, and another rotation around the sun! This post is going to be a two-for-one kinda party! I’ll be splitting this whole piece up into two parts. Less for y’all to read in one sitting. I’m gonna give a short in-general update and I want to share something that is an older slice of Ruby, but a renewed one.
First, boring updates! Unless you have been following my insta or are lucky enough to be connected personally on FB, you wouldn’t know that I am actively experiencing the rollercoaster that is Bipolar 2 life. Because I have been suicidal before (know I AM okay as I type), I knew the steps I needed to take to not get that deep again. As any mental health journey has its ups and downs, it’s important to speak up and stand up! Doctors and therapists can only do so much, the hard, gross work is up to you. There’s a difference between riding the rollercoaster and not getting off the ride. The twist to this piece is about the bigger chunk of this blog. There is light in the tunnel.
As we all adjust to pandemic life, I’m doing fairly ok. I got my vaccine, I’m seeing the specialists I was supposed to see last year, I’m working on healing WITH my inner child, and I am getting ready to celebrate 10 years with my spouse. We’re working on a handfasting/vow renewal ceremony.
The second update would be that I will be adding two new slices of the pie that is me. I’ve found myself getting outdoors; exploring my home state. These have been short park visits, solo walks, partner/group hikes, day trips, long road trips, and exploring places I’ve never been before. Washington state has so much to explore and it’s becoming something I look forward to every week. If you have seen my latest YouTube upload, I got to go to Palouse Falls (state park). Felt wonderful to go to a place I have researched, written, and made a video about. I plan to tie some of these hikes/visits into Cooperative Culture Learning topics. I’m not sure if I’ll be sharing my hikes/visits here or just on my public social feeds (IG, Tik Tok, and Twitter).
The third update is the main reason for this blog post today. If you already follow my public socials, you’ll notice I’ve been on this journey of self-discovery. More intensely in the past 9 months, and NO I am NOT pregnant. That is something that I do not foresee in my future. My partner and I do not desire to have kids. I am lucky to have such deeply connected friends that I get the enjoyment, love, pride, and sass of their children. I may not have my own, but I get to play the role of Auntie Ruby. I love the children that are in my life. I love that I can love them, share my wisdom with them, and spoil them. That’s what Auntie Ruby does. Ok, now that my child rant is over, back to what I was getting at.
I want to introduce the witchy slice of my life! Yes, you read that correctly! I’ve recently picked back up my witchcraft journey and this time everything has skyrocketed and it couldn’t be more amazing.
This was not an instantaneous choice, but something that took a while to come to the surface. But something I wobbled with before I dove back in. This choice to restart my witchcraft journey stemmed from a want/need to understand myself better. I have been no stranger to the world of the unconventional, my upbringing says that enough. My parents both practiced their own versions of witchcraft; my dad practiced with personal intention and growth. As for my mother, she dabbled in more darker things. This put me in a place between light and dark magic; this placement gave me the drive to learn more and as much as I can. As I grew into a teenager, I dabbled in the usual (light as a feather, unsuccessful love spells, learning the basics, etc). I was already a “weird” kid, might as well make it my own. As high school came about and I was bullied into the broom closet (by my mother and peers); over time I stopped doing my practices. Though I did not stop learning, I just did it in secret.
My second wave came in my 20s, just a few years into my marriage. My mother-in-law is a practicing Druid and she is definitely out of the broom closet. Living in a spiritually nurturing environment, I was able to begin to openly practice again. Throughout the years, even during the last hiatus, she still nurtured my spiritual side with open arms. She has become a guide/teacher throughout many areas of my life. The woman found out George Washington’s favorite boozy drink AND SHE MADE IT!! She has a room dedicated to her craft and surrounding the house. My father-in-law carries crystals and minerals with him because she tells him to. I think she’s happy that I am picking things back up because it’s something to share. I love her and I love being able to share my crafts with her.
This wave (I am currently wafting through) is that third startup. Things are different this time; I have cultivated my own personal network of fellow witches, mystics, reiki, shamanism, spiritual healers, and all that woo-woo stuff. There’s something about having a hive-mind to learn with, it really makes it stick better. It’s crazy how much outside influence can motivate you. I am grateful for those I am sharing this witchy journey with. I am feeling less forced this round than before, maybe it could be the encouraging energy I am being given from my loved ones. I’ve been shocked to see others I know and love that practice (my cousin was a pleasant surprise). You never know who practices (this is a wonderful way to stay mindful on a spiritual level). The biggest influence has been my fellow trio-mates of PNW Mythical Muses. I asked these two if they wanted in on a new witchy journey of mine; I was not expecting this group deep dive! However, it has been the most magickal element; bonding deeper with my friends. I call this my “uncoven” for so many reasons. The main reason is that we all identify with different sects, and we aren’t following regular traditions. We are treating this like the buffet it is and loving it! Learning in a group has made all the difference in my own learning. Also, welcomed peer pressure to be a better witch. Having others to share my crafts with and vice versa has really made this round more enjoyable, supported, and welcomed. I love being able to share what I do with others who practice as well.
Though it may seem that I fully out of the broom closet, and I am not totally out. Living with my grandmother does make some things a challenge; I treat witchcraft like I do burlesque when it comes to her. She knows the vaguest things (she knows I’m a showgirl but not to the extent I am) and we keep it at that. Good ole ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy works when you don’t want to give your grandma a heart attack or stroke because I’m a burlesquer and a witch. I do my best to conceal items when I leave my room with all my magick goodies. She saw my small cauldron once and asked what it was; my response was “it’s a fire-safe container so I didn’t set the house or woods on fire”. That is where we leave the witch conversations at. Because of all this, I do consider myself “in the broom closet” because I am not open about it to everyone in my life (even if it is for their benefit). Keep in mind that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING IN THE BROOM CLOSET!!! You come out of that closet on your own time, we all do, and for different reasons. Do you at your own pace! Your magick is still valid, regardless of where your broom closet door is open or closed.
SPEAKING OF BROOM CLOSETS!!!! I want to share mine!! Now, if you have been following my Instagram or FB, chances are that you have seen bits and pieces. The video for this will be linked below and on my platforms for viewing. Before we get into my treasure trove, some fun facts! My broom closet was once my actual closet! The last time my husband rearranged our room, he put our bed in the closet (creating a giant pinup closet for myself to the left of our bed). It wasn’t until last year (2020) that I converted the space on my side of the bed into a functional space. Hubs added in a sturdy shelf and smaller decorative shelves. I added a narrow table (had to be less than 15 inches) that has three layers to it.
Over the months, I have been adding to the shelving, the table, and all around the walls. The top of the table contains my altar. The second layer (now) holds all my candles and candle accessories. The lowest layer holds various jars of water, an enchantment box, and enchanted shower fizzies. My shelves have different items for different reasons and placements are intentional. The important pieces here are my obsidian skull and my dragon statue. My obsidian skull has been named Aya, after my college bestie's most recent baby. My dragon was given the name Alit Slyvi; the combination is to mean “winged one of the forest”. The books that live on the big shelf are the ones I use the most or are currently studying. My tarot cards and my guidebook (Modern Tarot by Michelle Tea) live on the middle shelf. The shelf (or cubby) closest to my bed has all my oils, sprays, and personal potions. On the top of the shelf, my mineral collection dominates the space; with a small display with my Sabbat vials, beach vial, and my mermaid in the back. This is surrounded by my birthdate candle and a small display of goose feathers that have been tipped in gold glitter. The walls have various bits hanging, some withhold personal value, some have been great witchy purchases, necklaces, divination tools, and decoration for my staff. This space is always changing and shifting with me; I am always touching something or trying to move items around. I’m adding new things and making room for other things to be put somewhere else. We won’t even talk about the shelf above where all my supplies and others goodies live.
This is where I will leave this part of the story here. Part two will have more in-depth of my journey, my divinations, what witchcraft means to me, how witchcraft helps me in my mental health, and how I use it in my life!
To get a glimpse of my treasure trove, here’s a video. <3
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMewu9mPB/
Stay lifted & stay educated my friends!!
XOXO,
Ruby T. Gray
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